2008 Woodie Awards
Sex once in awhile in Orono
Hillary Leeman
Issue date: 12/6/07 Section: Style
Right off, I think I should apologize to all my faithful readers. I feel bad that I gave you a taste of my rapier wit, harsh criticisms and straightforward "big-mouthiness" and then left you wanting more for so long. I guess you could chalk up the two-month lack of articles to a two-month dating drought. It's been a rough semester - with several Thursdays spent looking for that cliché Mr. Right-Now and lots of Craigslist postings, Facebook stalking and performing the "It's Raining Men" dance in search of the proverbial Mr. Right.
All I've really found so far is Mr. Too-Cool-for-School, Mr. Do-You-Have-An-Older-Brother?, and the oh-so-familiar Mr. Wow-That-Was-Awkward. I may be exaggerating when I say this, but I can't even count the number of boys I've met lately where I was left wondering who was supposed to be more masculine. After our first date, one guy told me that the song "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat reminded him of me. I was flattered at first, until I read the actual lyrics in his AIM profile. Guys, for the record, any song that contains lines like "every time I see your bubbly face, I get the tingles in a silly place" reeks of insincerity and lameness. It is not okay to quote it anywhere, especially in full view somewhere like Facebook.
Wait a minute! We only went on one date - to Denny's - where I kissed you on the cheek and said that I'd call you. Why are you putting me in your AIM profile and changing your Facebook status? I was pretty sure of at least two things: that it was a date, (not an engagement party) and that you had testicles.
It's not really about the testicles; it's more about grasping for some indication that you have a bit of testosterone pumping through your veins. That certainly is a desirable component when settling on a suitable partner in crime. I want a guy that isn't afraid to be a man, in most senses of the word. Except when it comes to extreme risk-taking - that's where I draw the line. You have to be able to protect me, but you can't protect me if you pick a fight with the 300-pound bouncer that called me cute.
All I've really found so far is Mr. Too-Cool-for-School, Mr. Do-You-Have-An-Older-Brother?, and the oh-so-familiar Mr. Wow-That-Was-Awkward. I may be exaggerating when I say this, but I can't even count the number of boys I've met lately where I was left wondering who was supposed to be more masculine. After our first date, one guy told me that the song "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat reminded him of me. I was flattered at first, until I read the actual lyrics in his AIM profile. Guys, for the record, any song that contains lines like "every time I see your bubbly face, I get the tingles in a silly place" reeks of insincerity and lameness. It is not okay to quote it anywhere, especially in full view somewhere like Facebook.
Wait a minute! We only went on one date - to Denny's - where I kissed you on the cheek and said that I'd call you. Why are you putting me in your AIM profile and changing your Facebook status? I was pretty sure of at least two things: that it was a date, (not an engagement party) and that you had testicles.
It's not really about the testicles; it's more about grasping for some indication that you have a bit of testosterone pumping through your veins. That certainly is a desirable component when settling on a suitable partner in crime. I want a guy that isn't afraid to be a man, in most senses of the word. Except when it comes to extreme risk-taking - that's where I draw the line. You have to be able to protect me, but you can't protect me if you pick a fight with the 300-pound bouncer that called me cute.
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